i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
