your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
