Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
