Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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