Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
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Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
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My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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