He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
