It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
