Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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