real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
