he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
