Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
