Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
