Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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