I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
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He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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