weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
