I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
