Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
