What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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