just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
