yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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