instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
