I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize