Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
