He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize