I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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