Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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