Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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