pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
