Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
