Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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