you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
