Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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