Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
worst night to have a conscience
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
