I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
