I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
