someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
