i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
