So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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