Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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