"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
