the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
