I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
