Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
