Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
