Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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