i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You need Xanax blowdarts
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
God, I missed his penis.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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