cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
