im about as happy as oj after his trial
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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