i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
