Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
