making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
