woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
