I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
