i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
