I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
