They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
