so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
