I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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