So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
