You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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