I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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