Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
