grandma shit on top of the toilet
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
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Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
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And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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