oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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