Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
