I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
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My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
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That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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