Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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