finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
