hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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