I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
