he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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