Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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