I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
