woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
