Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
